Recovering from trauma is not like make-up that covers flaws and makes a person more comfortable and confident. It is like painting, accepting what happened, accommodating oneself to the truth but welcoming all your emotions, and then overcoming triggers that cause reactions. It is not to forget what happened but to accept it and still be able to move ahead in life. Although recovery from trauma heavily relies on the willingness of the person who is facing trauma, the catalyst for the process can always be close ones.
Trauma can stem from an accident, stress, depression, continued harassment, and what may seem menial to others. Trauma is not limited by situations and occurrences but by the variable of perspective. Thus, the behaviours and reactions of others in the surroundings play a vital role in what a person's stance or progress would be in overcoming their trauma.
Fragments of thoughts for the survivor (Sacwellness.com)
“It’s the way people look at you when they know you’re damaged, but don’t know how to react to knowing a thing like that.”
Rasmenia Massoud, Tied Within
It is often seen that families, friends, and acquaintances walk on eggshells around a person with trauma or try to scramble for anything that they can do. On the contrary, extreme empathy and going to extreme lengths for their comfort would not go unnoticed, and they might feel overwhelmed or helpless. Supporting should rather be about assisting them and being present while they help themself get better.
ACCEPTING AND OVERCOMING TRIGGERS
A person can be triggered by sounds, scents, images, and words, it is not ideal to remove these obstacles from their daily life. Although trying not to trigger them is appreciated at the beginning and will help them get out of their troubled state of mind and stop recurrences of the incident in their mind. It is advised that once they get slightly better at accepting what happened, gradually making them accustomed to the triggers should help them get back to life, although it will take some time. Throughout this process, all one can do to help is offer their presence and shoulders for the sufferer to lean on.
BE PRESENT
It might be considered that getting them to talk might help release their burden or make them feel less afraid but forcing them to talk might end up in building walls or feeling guilty about oversharing and soon being uncomfortable around you. The preferred course of action would be to inform them of your availability in case they would like to talk and share. Whenever they do share, interruptions might lead to their trauma ricocheting. Let them rant, let all of it out before asking any questions. Do carefully consider what you say at such a time since it will be in their state of vulnerability.
Supporting with presence (life-insight.com)
OBSERVE WITH PATIENCE
Patience and Observance go a long way, wait for them to come around. If anything, you can always try to observe what they are having trouble with, what they dislike, and what comforts them. Do not badger them with questions about the same. Rather approach the matter by gently treading with them on the same bridge and taking notice of what they fear or feel comfort from. Do not repeat any behaviours they dislike or feel triggered by. This might lead them to distance themselves.
SPACE
If the person in question, requires distance from you to be alone with the thoughts swirling in their mind and to understand exactly what they are feeling, let them have the much-needed space. It will help them know you understand what they need.
Allowing space for rearranging thoughts (kidnation.com)
NURTURE AND SELF-CARE
Recovery from trauma requires much time and self-care. It is necessary to ensure that the person does not trip down the rabbit hole of guilt and self-questioning. Let them know whatever happened was not their fault and they should not blame themselves for the same. Do not ask them questions like- “what did you do for that to happen?”, do not, in any way or form, indulge in victim-blaming. Also, try to educate yourself on the symptoms, the causes, and the effects of trauma to understand the person better.
SUPPORT IN ASKING FOR HELP
Let them know there’s someone who cares and put on the table the option of seeking professional help whenever they are ready to confront and move on from the incident. Remember the art of Kintsugi from Japan, filling in chipped areas and repairing broken articles with gold, to embrace the flaws and make the item stronger. A trauma survivor does not need to be forced to be stronger, surviving and trying to overcome already highlights their strength.
.
Japanese art of Kintsugi (kintsugi-australia.com)
NO SPACE FOR TOXIC POSITIVITY
Do not be putting toxic positivity on their table to deal with. Positive statements might instead act as poison in such cases. Do let them know about your presence for anything they need but do not badger them with supposed “positive thoughts” without putting yourself in their shoes and thinking of how you would receive such a statement.
A person with trauma does not need sympathy and positivity but rather, a companion on the long journey of recovery. A companion who cooperates, waits, and listens. If they need your hand along the way for some support, they will express that desire.
Till then, stand by and be there for them.
© Vygr Media Private Limited 2022. All Rights Reserved.
