Tehran/Washington D.C., June 17, 2025 — As missiles light up the skies over the Middle East for the fifth consecutive day, US President Donald Trump — never one to miss a dramatic moment — took to his favourite press platform, Truth Social, to issue what sounded suspiciously like a supervillain’s ultimatum: “Everyone should immediately evacuate Tehran!”
Because when cities of 9 million are under threat, the best course of action is obviously to read the fine print on a social media post. This, apparently, is how superpowers do diplomacy now. In the same post, Trump, clearly still smarting from his inability to force Iran to sign “the deal”, declared, “IRAN CAN NOT HAVE A NUCLEAR WEAPON. I said it over and over again!”—as though global disarmament is just a matter of repeating things louder.
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Exit, Stage Canada
Trump cut short his attendance at the G7 summit in Canada, abandoning polite international cooperation to instead yell “AMERICA FIRST!” into the geopolitical void. The White House explained his abrupt departure by citing the ongoing Israel-Iran conflict, though critics suspect he was just tired of listening to Emmanuel Macron speak in full sentences. Macron, for his part, was reportedly “delighted” at Trump’s exit, calling it “a positive sign” for the summit and international sanity in general.
Meanwhile, in Reality
On the ground, it’s carnage. Iranian authorities say over 224 civilians have been killed since Israel began its strikes, while 24 Israelis have died in retaliatory attacks. Explosions were heard overnight in both Tehran and Tel Aviv, as air-raid sirens screamed and air defences lit up the night skies like a dystopian fireworks display. Yet the only thing louder than the missile alerts is Trump’s all-caps diplomacy.
He followed up with another triumphant call to patriotism: “AMERICA FIRST means many GREAT things, including the fact that IRAN CAN NOT HAVE A NUCLEAR WEAPON. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!” Which, of course, makes perfect sense to anyone who’s willing to ignore logic, history, and the entire United Nations Charter.
Iran: “You First.”
Iranian Foreign Minister Abbas Araqchi, speaking with a bit more composure, replied on X (formerly Twitter): “If President Trump is genuine about diplomacy and interested in stopping this war, next steps are consequential. Israel must halt its aggression…”
Translation: We’re not the ones who started it, and if you want to talk peace, maybe start by putting down the sabre.
The Unofficial Fallout
It’s not yet clear how many Tehran residents managed to act on Trump’s impromptu evacuation notice — especially since no formal communication from the US government followed. As one Iranian journalist posted online: “Is he suggesting we all book tickets to Cancun now, or…?”
And to think, all of this could have been avoided had Iran just signed “the deal” — that mythical agreement known only to Trump, scrawled somewhere between the pages of The Art of the Deal and the Constitution of Narnia. In a region already on edge, the world’s most powerful man choosing to play global fire marshal with a flamethrower may not be the peacekeeping strategy everyone was hoping for. But hey, at least he’s consistent. As the missiles fly and the world watches nervously, one thing is now abundantly clear: diplomacy is dead, long live the timeline where your nuclear warnings come with hashtags and exclamation marks.
With inputs from agencies
Image Source: Multiple agencies
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